Can Purell be used as lube?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
