I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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