remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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