Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
