someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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