Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Houston, we have a squirter
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
