I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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