wake up i wanna do it froggy style
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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