I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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