glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
