whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
