I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
