His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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