Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
