1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
