Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize