is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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