After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize