Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
