At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she peed on how many people?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
