I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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