i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
