Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
