his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
