first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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