I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i came on her dog
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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