guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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