She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Found the puke drawer
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize