I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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