Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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