he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize