So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
