I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
