i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
