I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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