I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
