I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
