i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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