Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
