weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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