Yo dont text me then not text me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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