I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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