then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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