even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Shame - the story of my life.
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