they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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