She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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