Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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