You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
