It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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