forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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