Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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