she smelled like a LAN party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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