please come you make the beer taste better
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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