my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
