If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
sex in a hospital.. check
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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