Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
