I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
