If i come over, it means nothing
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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