They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
bring money and cleavage
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
