She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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