my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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