What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Found your dick twin last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
