I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
