i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
