Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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