that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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