even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
