he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
