So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
