I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
