So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
