This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
