How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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