i'm signing you up for texting rehab
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize