I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
