Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
