i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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